I am upset because I saw a message that you left for a friend on facebook. Arghh!! Just upset. Why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't any girl? Expressing care and love for other people is cool but not when you can express to others easier in the public than you can to me.. I slowly feel more and more disconnected.. Like this private personal business thingy. I am like a stranger. This is becoming unappealing.
What do you do when you cannot understand the results? I just wish that I had this someone that could explain to me everything that is happening to go to.
I learn along the way that it is necessary to give up some things to stay together with another person or persons because it is not just all about you. It's a relationship that requires giving & taking. It has to be balance. It doesn't need to be 50/50, all in equal percentage, but the parties should feel appreciated & not feel like they are being taken advantage of for how much they give vs receiving. I constantly take take & take, receive receive & receive, it's always me me me, how good i felt & i want to feel, how angry i was, I concentrate on my needs and wants so much. Selfish - thats the word even myself used to describe myself. I would say I am selfish but not selfish at the same time, but there is definitely room to improve to be someone that cares, for my own self and the people around me. I was sucking in so much, I was feeling so good that I was convinced that the other party feels just as good as I did, giving, but oh how so wrong I was I realized when confronted with a small explosion Saturday night.
I am so grateful that happened. It was harsh for me to be talked to that way but I have to admit that I actually appreciate what i was told. It just all of the sudden made me realized that this is not just about me. I have much to work on and that is a good thing. I like challenges. This can be my new year resolution. Be more of a giver & show appreciations.
Also, I really need to work on my speaking up. Being honest on how I feel and open up. Work on delivering what I feel because that is definitely my weakness. I feel like slapping myself when I just pour out my words even after trying to organizing them in my mind, they didn't seem to come out right and I just completely turn off the person in front of me.
More people oriented. I want to be more people oriented. And this is the perfect time for me to do that with the close influence I have at this time.
I am focus on participation, adventures and journey right now.
I would also like to master the art of rejecting accordingly, With the other interest and feelings in mind.
Saying goodbye & leaving Gior has become so time consuming that it wears both of us out! I would leave at 2, 3, 4, 5! in the morning, eye lids falling and hair ugly, we hug and kiss goodnight. I would reach home hungry, eat & take a shower and crash onto my bed, with Gior still on the phone! We definitely need to be more time efficient and health concious!
A texted poem while i was in the shower from a half asleep man..
Lying awake waiting to finish showering clouds moving along the cold winter sky dreams until the air breaks and out she falls.. safely onto her bed again.
"A goodbye isn't painful unless you're never going to say hello again."- Abigail Resser
Texted Gior. "Saying goodbye to you means focus on myself & I'll get to see you soon!"
His reply, "So smart!..Will do sweet :) Work hard!"
Lovely, The adjective describes you so well. Always enjoyable to be around with, You never fail to make me smile And touch my heart with the littlest things that you do
